OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
false alarm, still single
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