I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
PANTIES FOUND
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