his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize