Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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