i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
