if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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