omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
