Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
