I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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