R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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