They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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