Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
