try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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