I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
