there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
