I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
