He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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