That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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