we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
