I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
