I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
