the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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