Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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