Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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