Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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