Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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