Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
