He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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