Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
