matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
