There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
