I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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