sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
