why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
