I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
