tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
