im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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