that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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