It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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