Farmville is her only friend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
