Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
