I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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