if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
