the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Is it because I queefed?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
