yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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