Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
