We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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