I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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