wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
they're like a gay fantastic four
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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