i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
