I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
