I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
