one two three fourrrrnication!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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