Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
