I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
