I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
