Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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