I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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